DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend I am just getting to know better. We like each other a lot and have similar backgrounds and stories. I recently learned that she has had her share of romantic liaisons over the years, even though she has been married all along.

Part of me envies her. Rather than complaining all the time about what her husband does or doesn’t do, she has filled her cup. When I look at my life, I think I have mainly complained.

Do you think I should have an affair now? I’ve been married forever. Our life is snoring boring. Maybe I can spice it up with a bit of romance.

Considering an Affair

DEAR CONSIDERING AN AFFAIR: You and your friend may have similar lives, but you are not the same. Her choices and yours are not the same. Don’t try to “fix” your life by attempting to step into her shoes.

Your friend made certain choices, and her life has played out in a particular way. You have made your own choices, and those decisions have gotten you to where you are now.

If you feel like there is something wrong with your marriage, deal with it, but be yourself. Stand up for what you believe and discuss that with your husband. Don’t try to be someone you are not. It will not work.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I’ve been going out to dinner with friends too often this summer. We have been hanging hard, and it has been fun but expensive.

Because some of us drink alcohol and others don’t, I actually don’t think it’s fair for us to split the bill evenly all the time. One of my friends drinks water only. Because she is nice and doesn’t want to make waves, she never says anything.

The last time she and I went to dinner just the two of us, I paid for what I consumed and did not make her split it. My bill cost almost $40 more than hers. She thanked me, but I know she isn’t going to say anything to the rest of the group. Should I?

Fair Pay

DEAR FAIR PAY: Your friend may not want you calling attention to her specifically, but you can draw the group’s attention to what you have been spending and the fact that everybody is consuming differently.

You can tell them that the two of you went out the other night and you realized how much more you had consumed than your friend, so you looked closely at the bill and noticed the difference; therefore, you paid what you owed. Recommend that you take time when you are going out with the group in the future to see what people have consumed and consider paying more equitably.

If they balk, ask them how they would feel if they consumed $30 worth of food and beverage but had to pay $60 or more for it because they were with friends. That may ring more clearly to them.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.