A woman has been backed for refusing to leave while babysitting her friend's four-month-old baby.
The 22-year-old explained the situation in a post on Reddit's r/AmITheA****** forum under the handle u/HeadEye5263. She explained she had agreed to look after her friend's child for a few hours, under the agreement that she would be paid €10 ($10.88) an hour.
But while babysitting, her friend's girlfriend arrived and was taken aback to see her there. She explained: "His girlfriend came over and was surprised to see me. She asked what I was doing here and I told her I was here to watch his son. She then asked if it was like a last minute thing because his mother canceled. I said no, he asked me about a week ago."
The poster explained that all she knew was that she had agreed to babysit, and didn't understand why the girlfriend was so upset.
"She got mad and asked if there was something between him and me," wrote the poster. "I denied, repeated that I'm only here to babysit and that's it. She said that since I knew he was in a relationship I should've declined.
"She said that I was playing with her, that if I was respectful of their relation[ship] I'd leave."
Kate Flounders is a former divorce and child protection lawyer and the CEO of Safeguarding Association. She explained that issues around childcare in relationships are far from rare.
"Where children are involved—and in all relationships—communication is absolutely vital. And that's clearly what's missing in this situation," Flounders told Newsweek.
Due to the lack of communication between the couple, the girlfriend was furious with the babysitter and told her to leave—something she refused to do.
"She texted me saying that I would never babysit for her boyfriend again and that he agreed with her on it," she said. "I didn't reply because I don't really care. I'm not even that close to the guy, and like I said, I only wanted to get paid. I was paid and that was it."
But after the huge reaction she took to Reddit to ask if she was wrong to refuse to leave when the woman told her to. "When I talked about it to my mom and sister, they said that I should've left when she asked me, to avoid any drama between them. I said that's not my problem. I got asked to watch over a kid, I accepted. If her boyfriend decided to lie to her about it, it was not my fault," said the poster, asking for other opinions on the situation.
In over 1,000 replies, Reddit users overwhelmingly sided with the babysitter and said that she was right to refuse to leave.
One user wrote: "Imagine being so insecure in your relationship that you deny the existence of babysitters," while another said: "Yeah, that relationship isn't going to last long and you don't want to be anywhere close enough to be a scapegoat when it ends."
"NTA [not the a******] and I would not have left either," said one Redditor. "You were asked to be in charge of this kids safety and well being, that doesn't get passed off to some random girlfriend because she demanded it."
Far from the first couple to argue about childcare or the ins-and-outs of a parenting, these arguments come up frequently—from dads refusing to follow mom's rules to fierce debates over contact.
Looking at the situation, Flounders explained that communication was clearly an issue among the people in the situation. She explained: "I'd say probably in 95 percent of divorces I've ever dealt with, and in the vast majority of child protection cases I deal with communication is lacking.
"We don't know the back story, and it may well be that the babysitter is completely innocent in all of this. The girlfriend and boyfriend really need to have a conversation. And on top of that, the girlfriend has made the situation 10 times worse really by getting into an argument with the babysitter."
While the poster explained she was now not going to be babysitting for the couple again, Flounders explained that the couple would benefit from more open communication and putting appropriate boundaries in place.
"The couple need to have a conversation, and put those boundaries in place," she said. "That isn't just about saying 'I won't accept this,' but is also about actually following through and keeping communication open."
Newsweek has reached out to u/HeadEye5263 for comment. We were not able to verify the details of this case.
Have you noticed any red flags that made you end a relationship? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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